NoSpace

does anyone else feel like much of life is spent driving up and down aisles of various parking lots, tetchily looking for a space, not being able to find one, and cursing, 'goddamnit, if only i were handicapped...'

?

Nosce te ipsum.

“know thyself” in Latin.

it’s pretty, isn’t it? the kind of phrase you’d like to caption yourself with, figuratively or, nowadays, literally.

it crossed my mind. a pretty phrase to attach to me. but I don’t. I can deny almost anything, but I can’t go so far as to deny that. for instance, when did I start saying fuck so much? I used to cringe at my dad's slip of the word, anger behind it, preventing a substitution stupidly euphemistic. now I hear it fall from own mouth, word vomit. a reflex, really, and I see it out on the ground and just have to let it lie there.

I think I do. sometimes. then I catch myself flattering when flattery is ingratiating and vacuous, laughing with my mouth when my eyes are not, agreeing with things I find wholly disagreeable, trying to meet expectations that someone I don’t know set out for me with grandiosity.

yeah, it’s pretty, but it isn’t it. it can’t be. i’m comfortable that I could go through my whole life and not know my/thyself. i change, equivocate. yeah, comfortable with that.

dos & don'ts

watching the grammy's has prompted me to post a short list, just in case anyone gets the urge to make my life complete.

boys i would do even if it meant giving up chocolate for life, devil buying soul, getting stuck doing Zumba class at the Y, etc. (i mean, it IS called a climax for a reason, right?):

• john legend
• andy roddick
• john krasinski
• wentworth miller
• ashton kutcher

and, for good measure, boys i would NOT do, despite their success, even if i got to buy the devil's soul (i wonder what that even means):

• john mayer
• snoop dogg
• quentin tarantino
• joakim noah
• nickelback (chad kroeger)

or, alternate way to make my life better - procure a nuclear reactor for me. Apparently that and some evil communist intent (ohhh, maybe that's what i could do w/the devil's soul) is all you need to get $300M around here.