so, the question is… how does one “keep track” of his or her list? yes, that list. I guess there are really only 2 options – do you write it down? or is it enough to keep a silent inventory in your head? I guess you could call upon a friend to help you remember, but I mean, who seriously wants to remember someone else’s list, let alone be required to do so? it’s either mentally or emotionally hard enough to remember our own. And I realize that the relevancy of this question will vary among people depending on things like the size of the list and the importance to the person of knowing the contents of the list (i.e., a tally will likely suit some people just fine).
but in search of an answer, I just wrote mine down, which I have never done until now. and I can already tell you 2 things that bother me. 1- I’m almost positive it’s out of order, and 2- one name on the list is, well…. more of a descriptive pronoun rather than a name, per se. So, considering that these 2 faux pas could have been avoided by maintaining this list with the same discipline that I keep my “books I’ve read” list, I’m initially inclined to advocate the write-it-down option.
however, as it stares me in the face, I’m not sure how I feel about it being written down, on record… possible of discovery. it would be my luck for: my mom to happen upon it one day (I have had similar such luck before); for her to ask me what it is; for me to respond with something completely ill-fitted (since the synapses in my brain seem to be suddenly attacked by Ritalin when faced with the command “think fast”) like, "oh, it’s a, um, list of boy names I really like"; for her to really really enjoy one of the names on the list; and for me, XX years later, to be reminded of premature ejaculation every time I call my son’s name.
I’d like to say that thinking about that possible scenario has made me erase my list, but I’m really just kind of looking at it like it's some little green alien with which i don’t know what to do. now that it’s here, should I keep it? if I keep it, where do I safeguard it? how do I feel about the contents of this list? i can't decide if it says a lot about me or nothing about me at all. one blog experiment later, I have no answers.
all I know is that I’m sneezing all over said list, and my eyes are so red that I look high. damn allergies. but it is otherwise delightful outside. gotta take the bad with the good, the good with the bad, the good in bed, the bad in bed.
