i don't know?

wrote this about a year ago, 3/6/07.. found it scribbled in a notepad. i haven't progressed much since. unabridged version:

why do we give apples to teachers? why are there 4 seasons, not 5 or 7? why do decisions always seem important to have but undesirable to make? why is a question mark shaped so? who discovered ink?

why do things fall apart? do the people who built them know? why did the beatles cross abbey road? and why does it matter? if you erase something, did it ever really exist?

how far have we come? why is it easier for men to come? why are we so selfish? why do we invent so many jobs and governments and religions and relationships to persuade ourselves that we are not?

why did we run up the middle on 3^rd and long? why would I stay up to write this nonsense? why do we do what we do? what were anna nicole smith’s intentions? jesus’s? muhammad’s? saddam’s? britney’s? congress’s? what is style? beauty?

when flowers die, do they go to heaven? if they don’t, but we tell our kids otherwise to make them feel better, is that ok? if so, what % of the lies that have been told throughout the existence of mankind has been ok?

who framed roger rabbit? why, at 23, did in initially misspell rabbit just then? what do people really think of you? what do people really think about? why must embarrassment exist as an emotion?

do things come full circle? is there fate? does adding ‘such a thing as’ to that question add any value to it? if there is no fate, does belief in it rebound it into existence?

how much is too much? how much should you really tip the pizza boy? why is pizza so good – cold, hot, morning, night? night, yes, these – all good questions – that aren’t worth answering.

night.

you're really annoying

from an article entitled "Get Rid of Bad Work Habits" by Anthony Balderrama, this is the penultimate (a fated place for me) habit:

Bad Habit: Always being the funny one.
What you think: “People love me.”
What it really says: You’re really annoying.
What to do: There’s nothing wrong with being funny – most people do like a good sense of humor. Just remember that not everybody wants to hear your sarcastic quips and “Godfather” impersonations every five minutes.

copyright 2008 CareerBuilder.com

couldn't've said it better mahself.

ok, and yes, i do realize that we lost last night. just as well as i realize that we beat memphis on saturday night. and we're still awesome, and i still love b.pearl, and the vols will still be #1 in mah heart. :)

crazy silly beautiful cover girl

a v.silly things humans say:

deb: working out is just so hard!
trudy: i know, right?! but i mean, the hardest part of going to the gym is getting there. once i'm there, it's so easy!

hmm.. so you're saying.. so you're telling me that it's hard to get up from your down-filled, seude-covered couch, off your ass, in the middle of a particularly amusing rerun of 'friends' to go exert lots of physical energy? that with your left hand preoccupied with a beer and your right with a pizza, you have no leverage to push up?! that's the hardest part?

but that once you're in the middle of a public sweat fest, surrounded by treadmills and devil-red-LED-number-display scales and many attractive members of the opposite sex and, the worst one, mirrors, that it's easy? it's easy once you're there?

That's just crazy talk.

of course, i have said/agreed to this silly declaration numerous times previous. all americans have. i'm just making sure you again, this fine mid-february day, realize its silliness (wow, that's a weird-looking word. a v. silly-looking word).

caveat emptor

i found this e-mail train to be slightly amusing....

sent on 2/7/08, 8:40 AM:

Dear sir or madam:

Please see attached pdf file. As the 2 receipts show, I ordered shoes on 1/8/08 but had them exchanged for the rain boots, which were invoiced on 1/29/08. As the first receipt shows, I used $30 of Banana rewards certificates (received through use of my Banana Visa card), which were redeemed at the time. When my order was exchanged, however, the total charges of $64.35 were only credited by the net $23.58 (my credit card was charged for $40.77), instead of $53.58, which would have included credit for my initial rewards certificates. In effect, I lost the benefit of my rewards certificates in the exchange. Can you please remedy this?

Hopefully the attachment has all of the customer information that you need, but if not, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you,

----------------------

sent on 2/7/08, 12:47 PM:

Dear Laura,

Thank you for your e-mail. Unfortunately, we are unable to open attachments that we receive, for security purposes. However, we were able to locate the orders in question using your name. Our records indicate that order #129QTX1 was placed on January 8, 2008. We see that $30.00 in rewards were redeemed on this order.

On January 29, 2008, we received the order for exchange. Your new order #12VR1PN was then fulfilled. Please note, if you use a promotion code to make your purchase, we'll gladly exchange your shoes for the same style in a different size or color. If you'd like to exchange your shoes for something else, we'll apply your credit towards the new shoes at their current price. A previously used promotion code cannot be applied to the sale of a different shoe, as stated on our web site. We apologize for any disappointment this may cause.

Unfortunately, we cannot allow an exception to this policy. To remain fair and consistent in all transactions, we cannot allow an exception to one customer that we do not allow to all customers.

Additional questions? Contact us at customercare@piperlime.com or 1-877-PIPERLIME (1-877-747-3754). We are happy to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Have a great day,

Glen
Customer Loyalty Representative

------------------

sent on 2/7/08, 1:17 PM:

Wow, that blows.

-----------------

sent on 2/7/08, 7:20 PM (after appropriate forwarding to the Customer Loyalty management and subsequent piecing together of various, tactful canned e-mails):

Dear Laura,

Thank you for your message to Piperlime regarding the exchange you made from order #129QTX1. We would like to apologize for the disappointment you have experienced with our exchange policy in regards to Rewards. Please know that our goal at Piperlime is to exceed our customer's expectations. We're sorry that, in this instance, we clearly did not meet yours.

We rely on customer feedback to monitor and improve our service. At this time, we have forwarded your remarks to the appropriate team for further consideration.

We hope that you will give us another opportunity in the future to dazzle you with our shoes and service.

Additional questions? Contact us at customercare@piperlime.com or 1-877-PIPERLIME (1-877-747-3754). We are happy to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Sincerely,

Katherine
Customer Loyalty Representative

--------------

Not sent:

Razzle dazzle? like in Chicago??! I can't wait. For the low lo price of ..?!

P.S. I sent the rain boots back.

you don't need to know this.

Speaking of too much information, while i was driving to Tennessee last week for work (i know - bizarre; even more bizarre to be staying at a hotel in j-rock city (thanks claire); most bizarre to be staying in a nice hotel in j-rock city; would not have been bizarre if one of the receptionists had graduated high school with me), i was listening to NPR (i do sometimes try to interject my music listening (which, for me, consists of Jack White telling me that i can't be a pimp and a prostitute too and Alicia Keys singing a song in which 42.3% of the lyrics are "oh oh oh oh ohohoh") with phone calls and news).

(If you missed the point of all that because of my annoying overuse of paranthetical sidenotes, I really only said: I drove to TN and was listening to NPR.)

So, NPR informs me that, basically, we owe China $1.53 TRILLION. Yeah, not in Remnimbi or yuan or adopted kids or rice grains, but 1.5 trillion American, U.S. dollars. ($1 trillion, written out in what the ancients called "zeroes" is: $1,000,000,000,000. ) This trade deficit increases by $1 billion every day, apparently. That is $11,574 per second. The other details are relatively boring: U.S. Treasuries, their currency pegged to ours, etc., blah, blah. You can read about it (also see previous blog post).

So, whatever. That's fine, whatever. But then, NPR also tells me (in what could have been the same half hour) that China was having something akin to their version of Katrina because of the winter storms impeding the Chinese from traveling home to their families for the Chinese New Year (a MUST there - kind of interesting). NPR then says, "Important Chinese Guy made this important announcement today at one of the airports where families have been waiting:

'Chowda, chowda chowdaer! Yinga yanga banga!'"

in a voice that i can only describe as a cross between the teacher from Peanuts and Alvin the Chipmunk. NPR didn't bother to translate the chowda banga until the speech was over, leaving me for 20 full seconds laughing hysterically (in my car, by myself), thinking that NPR had temporarily been taken over by Seth MacFarlane.

In any case, it was at that moment, when i realized that it was not a joke, that i determined i am very concerned that we owe China $1.53 trillion.

Yeah, we're definitely in trouble.

and of course..
Go Giants! and VOLS!
NY doing well in football, TN doing well in basketball.. who knew?