.. and beyond

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, the breaking news of today:

The ever-puzzled look of our reigning president meets headlines of our possible next president. The result is haunting. I love the "Palin challenges voters to 'stump the candidate'" headline. Oohh ohh, me! pick me! ahem, ok, here it is:

"What do you think about the Bush doctrine?"

Oh crap, I bet you've read up on that on wikipedia since that interview.

Excerpt from the article:

Asked for "specific skills" she could cite to rebut critics who question her grasp of international affairs, she replied, "I am prepared."

"I have that confidence. I have that readiness," Palin said. "And if you want specifics with specific policies or countries, you can go ahead and ask me. You can play 'stump the candidate' if you want to. But we are ready to serve."

GOP presidential nominee John McCain stepped in, ...


oh ohh so funny. i can see mccain's eyes getting wider and wider by the minute. i bet palin's strategy is to be so freaking insane that 1) people vote for her and 2) by the time she gets into office, she's startled mccain so much that he has a heart attack on Day 1.

and to my point on Daily Show, these videos from Tuesday's show are hilarious:

Generic-off

Ricky Gervais

the Bed, Bank of America, and Beyond one is funny, too, but the link is broken.

Actually, you should watch all of them

the horse on the farm goes

3 things that would immediately, instantly make America a better, more prosperous nation:

1. everybody watches the daily show.
2. everybody gets to wear track pants all the time. Every day, all day. Comfy.
3. everybody stops being stupid and lame

OK, maybe if #3 happened, #1 would no longer be necessary.

I just don't get it. Someone needs to help me understand. Listen. (like you did to Vonnegut?!) I just had one of the worst travel experiences everrrr. But really what I am most upset about is that when I was driving home from the airport tonight (without my luggage), some guy on NPR says something to the effect of: Well, yes, [Palin] was a great political choice for McCain. Whether she's fit for governance is perhaps still questionable.

So we're admitting it, then? Politics has nothing to do with actually governing the nation. OK, cool. Just as long as we're admitting it. Follow-up question: are we aware of it?

What does ignorance mean to you? AGNE? My god, that's my new all-time favorite acronym. And no, I'm not telling you what it means. I can think of exactly … 5 people I might tell if they ask. Hope you make the cut.

oh, and I'M SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT SARAH PALIN. Good, bad, I don't really care. she is getting more attention than a parisbritneymileysurrey cesspool would. She's kind of like my smoke detector. I walk into the room, unassuming, after a long, bad day of flying, and I can't make the noise go away. And I think she whinnies. Like a horse.

ulcerating

i've finally broke. these conventions are driving me insane. i hate that i am watching them. i hate it because something that used to be important has been turned into a WWF wrestling match. I say WWF because i have not watched wrestling since it changed from WWF to WWE. And! there used to be two. WCW? yes, WCW. Before Vince ate them for breakfast.

I digress. They're WWF wrestling matches. I have been using "circus" as my word of choice for the past week, but they don't deserve that much credit. At least at circuses people don't chant, "EL EH PHANT! EL EH PHANT!" Joe has likened the conventions to the Jerry Springer show. I concede to that. But at least when Springers' guests get angry, they have the balls to throw some punches instead of bullshitting behind a dais. And! they don't need a week to slowly extricate all of the bullshit from their mouths. So the conventions are a Springer WWF match. Fabricated and ugly, and the attending audience plays to it beautifully.

This is what it sounds like to me:
Speaker: rhetoric rhetoric rhetoric rheterrheterrheter
Crowd: Yes we can! Yes we can!
(...can WHAT??)
Speaker: rheterrhetererer
Crowd: U S A! U S A!
Speaker: rheterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrerrr
Crowd: Yeauhhh! Drill some fucking holes in the ground! Drill baby drill!!

And then you get into the personal attacks, which seem like they should be part of an 8 mile-esque rap-off. Biden's like, "McCain smokes crack through his pacemaker!"
And you expect a rebuttal. You expect McCain to somehow fly up to the stage and say, "Yeah, but Obama thinks down babies are the devil!"
And then more exchanges
Palin: Obama will tax your ass all the way to Kenya!
Obama: McCain is fucking OLD!
Country singer: I love god and beer! and republicans!
Melissa Etheridge: I'm gay!
Carly Fiorina: I'm rich!
Palin: I'm a MILF! People Google-search me! I'm so happy.
Bill: I don't know WTF is going on!
Hillary: No one thinks I'm a MILF.
Chelsea: No one Google-searches me.

ugh, it's so painful. americans are hopeless. the russians and the chinese are going to take over the world. If Putin doesn't bomb us all the way to Mars first, then the Chinese will take all those communist-trained boat paddlers from the Opening Ceremonies and paddle us into the globally-warmed Atlantic Ocean. Or... they will just turn our trillions of debt on our heads.

the media coverage/pundits have not been any better. Chris Matthews thinks that Palin will have better foreign policy because she lives in Alaska and is closer to Russia. CNN thinks that Obama has a better chance of winning because he can use the Internet. Everyone thinks all the speeches were just fabulous. Ace & TJ canNOT stop talking about how hot Sarah Palin is.

Well, at least you were spared from another blog about college football. We're not going to talk about college football. I love it so so much, but i definitely developed ulcers on Monday night. i was so depressed that i had to read my book about the Vieteffingnam war until 1am to get my mind off of the loss.

all right, i'm done. that helped. thanks for listening.