probably could if i tried

i can't help that i like whiskey and diet coke with lots of ice. but that i hate that it makes my hand cold, and i'm usually already cold. and that coke v. pepsi doesn't matter to me. but that the kind of whiskey does, but only sometimes. and that i think god is kind of bullshit even though he does exist, whether i believe in it or not, for the same reason that santa claus exists (in black and white, though maybe not in yellow), and for the same reason that hope and all that other stuff exists that keeps animals that have too much time to think from wanting to stop thinking. and that i wish i could be a tall, almost-naked blue cat-person and reach whatever god - or santa - i wanted to with my hair tentacles. and that i like lady gaga because she says things in interviews that are just ass-shit crazy but genius

like: "When you make music or write or create, it's really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you're writing about at the time."

i also can't help that i'm quite opinionated but mostly about the wrong things (... 80s hair, toothpaste labels). actually, that's not true. i have opinions about a lot of things like politics and wars and peace and hunger and the correlation between happiness and pet ownership, but mainly i find it too tiring to care in writing. there are a lot of people writing about the wrongs. i am too unimpressed to do it anymore, i think: to care. people say things like, "take your government hands off my medicare" and it's so ridiculous that i get tired just thinking about caring. i am even too tired to fix my own hunger sometimes... but i admit that is rare.

what IS this new free bob dylan christmas song on itunes? holy cow. good proof that everyone makes truly horrible mistakes sometimes. or maybe that drugs are bad.

i can't help that sometimes i count a really good day as one where i make banana nut pancakes and meatball stew and do 4 loads of laundry and read the paper and a book and then fall asleep next to someone who cares. and that's it. but it feels nice.

i can't help that sometimes i count a really good day as one where i sleep in till noon and don't shower till 4 and then go to 2 christmas parties and barely get my shoes off before falling asleep next to someone who doesn't care. and that's it. and it doesn't feel nice, but you can look back and have a good laugh at it.

i can't help that this is all over the place. i think i used to write better. or at least type better. i need to quit this write-every-3-months thing. i can't help that i like this quip by gaga too

"I love the gays so much it's scary. I'm pretty serious about everyone being on time to rehearsal, and the other day my gay dancers ... were late because they were getting their hair cut. It looked great, though, so I didn't care."

that's pretty great. forget health care and global warming; go get a haircut and have irresponsible sex. not necessarily in that order.