25.0

i guess it's about that time of year... when i should write about how i feel turning 25 and all... but really i've got nothing to write. i had some v. nice birthday cake and well wishes and gifts from joe, but besides that, it was a v. average day. i even went to the gym on my bday.. and changed the sheets on my bed! my lord, i guess i am getting old. to my defense, it did fall on a monday this year. i also hadn't been to the gym in ages and was starting to feel a little soggy.

it may be a little premature, but i've actually shifted back to viewing each year as a major accomplishment (after only 3 years of the post-21-oh-my-god-i'm-SO-OLD-that-my-hangovers-last-ALL-day-now syndrome). I'm sure this will shift back yet again as i approach 30.

(my mother actually has a "solution" to that OMG-i'm-so-old syndrome. she turned 59.0 this year. next year she will turn 59.1. She's not kidding. Old age has given my mom new life in a cool way. She cares nothing for what people think or how to please them; she cares more about her core loves and her own happiness. She neglected that for a while... it's impressive to see how much her self-possessed happiness has been a boon to... well, everything else.)

in any case, i really do feel accomplished for reaching 25. i think this is due to 2 things, mainly:
1. the more i live, the more i think that life is just kind of weird and random. and it's a struggle, really, to keep afloat most of the time. And i see my parents (both at 59.0) and my grandparents, among others, and i think, for chrissake, that's a long time to have survived this weird, random, unforgiving world. it's an accomplishment to which i pay high regards.
2. as my close friends know, i am in the middle of this lack-of-life-goals problem thing. so, you know, "Attain 1 more year of age" is as good and as reachable of a goal i've got.

yeah, I still don't understand what i am really doing with my life. the world in general is a backwards place to figure it out. Apparently at Tehran University in Iran, they chant "Marg-bar Amrika" (Death to America) every Friday. And then my nation is more concerned with political campaigns than political action. And then approximately 25,000 people die from starvation every day. It totally sickens me to think of all the food I've watched go to waste, just in my lifetime. my short 25 years. To quote CO governor Roy Romer (awesome name) in an article about the lack of quality education and the high drop-out rates in America: "We're not where a great nation ought to be."

I actually haven't changed at all since last year. I still conjur up v.big doses of concern for myself alone, and i still don't do anything to ameliorate the situations i grieve over. I'm pretty sure i've got to take the time to figure out my own shite before i can do anything worthwhile.

i can talk about something peppier. How about American Idol. How about David Archuletta looking like he was going to vomit-cry every time Randy or Simon complimented him on his faux boxing wins? How about that even David Archuletta gets sick of Paula's inane ramblings? I mean, they really are amazing. She can talk for a full minute, and at the end, you've actually detracted from your overall knowledge of everything from the contestants to embryotic stem cell research.

my end note -- go to www.catalogchoice.org and unsubscribe to catalogs. i am so excited i will maybe save 1 tree and not get 10 V.Secret catalogs per week, though i think Joe is a little sad.