anna nicole smith v. ashlee simpson

things I fear:

• spiders
• big ugly bugs
• ok, most all bugs
• confrontation
• failure
• guns
• muffin-topping (in the verb sense)
• perky sales people
• perky people
• fire
• Anna Nicole Smith (she basically robbed a guy with a shitload of money and claims love as her defense, an intrinsically hard thing to disprove when you have happy home video evidence, she made money making a tv show based on her gaining the equivalent of another person in weight, then she lost it all and looks fabulous again, ALL while radiating the IQ of an amoeba.)
• the last minutes of a close UT football game
• the last seconds of a close Syracuse basketball game
  
• velour
• Katie Couric
• hard rockers that wear excessive amounts of makeup
• my parents’ deaths
• when Mind of Mencia comes on before I can change the channel
• same with Wheel of Fortune
• the 2^nd double red bull and vodka

things I don't fear:

• heights
• rhinoceroses
• water
• fear itself
• big dogs
• flying
• death (dying, maybe; not death)
• Ashlee Simpson (sure, I dislike her, and she is a little scary, but she can’t even successfully order drunk food from Mickie D’s, even with the famous name going for her. Talk about total, utter incompetence.)
• the lochness monster
• the dalai lama
• the bird flu
• things I probably should be afraid of