I don't think Google is making me stupid. But I do think this article is v.good. Because I, too, am a victim of a truncated attention span and this really annoying nagging feeling that I should be taking in information ALL the time, EVERY second. (Refer to my January entry, "you need to know this".) If one page takes more than 3 seconds max to load, I start a new Firefox tab. If that one takes more than 3 seconds to load, I start a new one. And so on and so forth until I have about 10 tabs open, and I can finally go back to the first tab, which, by this time, has been loaded for about 30 seconds now (an eternity!).
I mean, I am a prototype victim. I sometimes open a tab with a long article I want to read on Monday, put my computer on stand by every night for the whole week without closing my Internet browser, and by Friday, still have that tab open, with the article unread, save the headline and maybe the first sentence.
But it's an interesting article and makes a case for the pros and cons fairly well. And if you really are a victim and can't even bring yourself to read a long article for the sake of being aware of your inability to read a long article, then at least read this lady's view on the article. The part about Socrates fearing that, through the development of writing, we (ultimately, we):
would be able to “receive a quantity of information without proper instruction,” and would thus “be thought very knowledgeable when [we] are for the most part quite ignorant.” And be “filled with the conceit of wisdom instead of real wisdom.”
is a v. interesting concept to me. Of course, the shortsightedness argument is just as intriguing.
In any case, have a look-see. and a good day. and go read a book, for god's sake. and go to a philosophy lecture, for socrates' sake.
6.19.2008
6.02.2008
dotted line
dude, i WANT this. sign, please!
and i also want this -- so you don't think i only sign selfish petitions. so you don't think i am merely a non-smoker and not a non-wanter of the end of starvation! (the petition i signed at the time was for the end of extreme poverty/starvation, not AIDS.) i know how miserable life can be when no one feeds me. (i have to admit i am totally lacking in any direct experience with AIDS.)
of course, if you added up all the amounts from all of the credit card receipts i have ever signed, together with my signed mortgage documents, my signed car title, and my one signed painting (ok, that one's worth nothing), it would probably be enough to ... i don't know, do something interesting, anyway.
for those who smoke, here's something for you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Save-a-Wet-Cell-Phone
a bag of rice. genius! didn't save poor Chris McCandless, but it can at least save your priceless cell phone contacts. and that one pic from that one night... yeah, you know which one i'm talking about.
and i also want this -- so you don't think i only sign selfish petitions. so you don't think i am merely a non-smoker and not a non-wanter of the end of starvation! (the petition i signed at the time was for the end of extreme poverty/starvation, not AIDS.) i know how miserable life can be when no one feeds me. (i have to admit i am totally lacking in any direct experience with AIDS.)
of course, if you added up all the amounts from all of the credit card receipts i have ever signed, together with my signed mortgage documents, my signed car title, and my one signed painting (ok, that one's worth nothing), it would probably be enough to ... i don't know, do something interesting, anyway.
for those who smoke, here's something for you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Save-a-Wet-Cell-Phone
a bag of rice. genius! didn't save poor Chris McCandless, but it can at least save your priceless cell phone contacts. and that one pic from that one night... yeah, you know which one i'm talking about.
5.30.2008
tough call
i realize that i distorted the quote from Webb in my last post into a weird non sequitur, kind of going along with the whole blog post in general. one random thought after another. come on, people stay with me.
anyway, i thought i'd keep it pictorial for Friday evening.
Credit to last night's Daily Show for bringing this picture's existence to my attention:
oh wait -- slow motion replay!
omg i love our president. heralded. esteemed. people do not realize his fun-loving, frat-star, god-fearing worth! but they will! the history books will prove it! i'm just kidding. he's all right. i'd have a beer with him any day.
what's harder to believe, chest-bumping president? or 2-headed turtle?
OR global warming?
OR how hot Prince Harry looks with a gun??
happy friday.
anyway, i thought i'd keep it pictorial for Friday evening.
Credit to last night's Daily Show for bringing this picture's existence to my attention:
oh wait -- slow motion replay!
omg i love our president. heralded. esteemed. people do not realize his fun-loving, frat-star, god-fearing worth! but they will! the history books will prove it! i'm just kidding. he's all right. i'd have a beer with him any day.
what's harder to believe, chest-bumping president? or 2-headed turtle?
OR global warming?
OR how hot Prince Harry looks with a gun??
happy friday.
5.23.2008
chicken wing grease
i am off to my tennessee wedding/engagement party/"last day" party extravaganza (today is my little brother's Last Day of high school. he is not graduating; he graduated 4 years ago. but, because of his disability, he went to high school for 4 years post-graduation to.. you know, get the most out of the educational system (read: because the system sucks, and the dolts running it didn't know what else to tell him to do). J (my little brother) is v.v.excited about his "last day". last night he and my dad had a preemptive celebration at Hooters and called me from the "restaurant" to exult over the gigantic amount of chicken wing grease they were able to accumulate on their hands.)
anyway, so i leave you with a small excerpt i read last night in Parade (yes, it takes me until Thursday to read all of the Sunday paper. what about it?) from Sen. Jim Webb's article, for no other reason than i thought it was an interesting viewpoint:
"When you have watched an enemy fight with ferocity and often with honor, you tend to conclude that on some level you have more in common with those you were trying to kill than you do with people who view wars only as an intellectual debate. . .
What has this got to do with the politics of today?
Everything. . .
Elections shouldn't be. . . auctions where a candidate sells himself [sic!] to the highest bidder. They should be moral contracts between those who wish to lead and those who are consenting to be led. . ."
Also, a quote from Ann Curry about her father passing away that i love:
"it is the lesson that is passed from generation to generation: how to live and how to die
with honor
and love."
happy memorial day weekend! go dale! beer! fast cars! yeaauuhhh
anyway, so i leave you with a small excerpt i read last night in Parade (yes, it takes me until Thursday to read all of the Sunday paper. what about it?) from Sen. Jim Webb's article, for no other reason than i thought it was an interesting viewpoint:
"When you have watched an enemy fight with ferocity and often with honor, you tend to conclude that on some level you have more in common with those you were trying to kill than you do with people who view wars only as an intellectual debate. . .
What has this got to do with the politics of today?
Everything. . .
Elections shouldn't be. . . auctions where a candidate sells himself [sic!] to the highest bidder. They should be moral contracts between those who wish to lead and those who are consenting to be led. . ."
Also, a quote from Ann Curry about her father passing away that i love:
"it is the lesson that is passed from generation to generation: how to live and how to die
with honor
and love."
happy memorial day weekend! go dale! beer! fast cars! yeaauuhhh
5.20.2008
25.0
i guess it's about that time of year... when i should write about how i feel turning 25 and all... but really i've got nothing to write. i had some v. nice birthday cake and well wishes and gifts from joe, but besides that, it was a v. average day. i even went to the gym on my bday.. and changed the sheets on my bed! my lord, i guess i am getting old. to my defense, it did fall on a monday this year. i also hadn't been to the gym in ages and was starting to feel a little soggy.
it may be a little premature, but i've actually shifted back to viewing each year as a major accomplishment (after only 3 years of the post-21-oh-my-god-i'm-SO-OLD-that-my-hangovers-last-ALL-day-now syndrome). I'm sure this will shift back yet again as i approach 30.
(my mother actually has a "solution" to that OMG-i'm-so-old syndrome. she turned 59.0 this year. next year she will turn 59.1. She's not kidding. Old age has given my mom new life in a cool way. She cares nothing for what people think or how to please them; she cares more about her core loves and her own happiness. She neglected that for a while... it's impressive to see how much her self-possessed happiness has been a boon to... well, everything else.)
in any case, i really do feel accomplished for reaching 25. i think this is due to 2 things, mainly:
1. the more i live, the more i think that life is just kind of weird and random. and it's a struggle, really, to keep afloat most of the time. And i see my parents (both at 59.0) and my grandparents, among others, and i think, for chrissake, that's a long time to have survived this weird, random, unforgiving world. it's an accomplishment to which i pay high regards.
2. as my close friends know, i am in the middle of this lack-of-life-goals problem thing. so, you know, "Attain 1 more year of age" is as good and as reachable of a goal i've got.
yeah, I still don't understand what i am really doing with my life. the world in general is a backwards place to figure it out. Apparently at Tehran University in Iran, they chant "Marg-bar Amrika" (Death to America) every Friday. And then my nation is more concerned with political campaigns than political action. And then approximately 25,000 people die from starvation every day. It totally sickens me to think of all the food I've watched go to waste, just in my lifetime. my short 25 years. To quote CO governor Roy Romer (awesome name) in an article about the lack of quality education and the high drop-out rates in America: "We're not where a great nation ought to be."
I actually haven't changed at all since last year. I still conjur up v.big doses of concern for myself alone, and i still don't do anything to ameliorate the situations i grieve over. I'm pretty sure i've got to take the time to figure out my own shite before i can do anything worthwhile.
i can talk about something peppier. How about American Idol. How about David Archuletta looking like he was going to vomit-cry every time Randy or Simon complimented him on his faux boxing wins? How about that even David Archuletta gets sick of Paula's inane ramblings? I mean, they really are amazing. She can talk for a full minute, and at the end, you've actually detracted from your overall knowledge of everything from the contestants to embryotic stem cell research.
my end note -- go to www.catalogchoice.org and unsubscribe to catalogs. i am so excited i will maybe save 1 tree and not get 10 V.Secret catalogs per week, though i think Joe is a little sad.
it may be a little premature, but i've actually shifted back to viewing each year as a major accomplishment (after only 3 years of the post-21-oh-my-god-i'm-SO-OLD-that-my-hangovers-last-ALL-day-now syndrome). I'm sure this will shift back yet again as i approach 30.
(my mother actually has a "solution" to that OMG-i'm-so-old syndrome. she turned 59.0 this year. next year she will turn 59.1. She's not kidding. Old age has given my mom new life in a cool way. She cares nothing for what people think or how to please them; she cares more about her core loves and her own happiness. She neglected that for a while... it's impressive to see how much her self-possessed happiness has been a boon to... well, everything else.)
in any case, i really do feel accomplished for reaching 25. i think this is due to 2 things, mainly:
1. the more i live, the more i think that life is just kind of weird and random. and it's a struggle, really, to keep afloat most of the time. And i see my parents (both at 59.0) and my grandparents, among others, and i think, for chrissake, that's a long time to have survived this weird, random, unforgiving world. it's an accomplishment to which i pay high regards.
2. as my close friends know, i am in the middle of this lack-of-life-goals problem thing. so, you know, "Attain 1 more year of age" is as good and as reachable of a goal i've got.
yeah, I still don't understand what i am really doing with my life. the world in general is a backwards place to figure it out. Apparently at Tehran University in Iran, they chant "Marg-bar Amrika" (Death to America) every Friday. And then my nation is more concerned with political campaigns than political action. And then approximately 25,000 people die from starvation every day. It totally sickens me to think of all the food I've watched go to waste, just in my lifetime. my short 25 years. To quote CO governor Roy Romer (awesome name) in an article about the lack of quality education and the high drop-out rates in America: "We're not where a great nation ought to be."
I actually haven't changed at all since last year. I still conjur up v.big doses of concern for myself alone, and i still don't do anything to ameliorate the situations i grieve over. I'm pretty sure i've got to take the time to figure out my own shite before i can do anything worthwhile.
i can talk about something peppier. How about American Idol. How about David Archuletta looking like he was going to vomit-cry every time Randy or Simon complimented him on his faux boxing wins? How about that even David Archuletta gets sick of Paula's inane ramblings? I mean, they really are amazing. She can talk for a full minute, and at the end, you've actually detracted from your overall knowledge of everything from the contestants to embryotic stem cell research.
my end note -- go to www.catalogchoice.org and unsubscribe to catalogs. i am so excited i will maybe save 1 tree and not get 10 V.Secret catalogs per week, though i think Joe is a little sad.
5.02.2008
like a record, baby
i have spent probably a little more than an hour staring at this at work between yesterday and today:
spinning girl
It mainly goes counterclockwise for me, but occasionally goes clockwise, and one time, i even got it to switch mid-spin. it was my proudest moment perhaps of the last few months.
it's no hoax -- mary alice and i watched it on her screen together and saw it going opposite ways. the weird thing is that, if you see her going counterclockwise, you see her left leg up, but if you see her going clockwise, you see her right leg up. i still haven't really figured that one out.
joe's first response was, "the spinning girl is pretty hot," and one of my manager's first comments was, "i can see her nipples." fair enough.
and then, this story is just unreal. made me tear up a little. what a little bitch cancer is.
spinning girl
It mainly goes counterclockwise for me, but occasionally goes clockwise, and one time, i even got it to switch mid-spin. it was my proudest moment perhaps of the last few months.
it's no hoax -- mary alice and i watched it on her screen together and saw it going opposite ways. the weird thing is that, if you see her going counterclockwise, you see her left leg up, but if you see her going clockwise, you see her right leg up. i still haven't really figured that one out.
joe's first response was, "the spinning girl is pretty hot," and one of my manager's first comments was, "i can see her nipples." fair enough.
and then, this story is just unreal. made me tear up a little. what a little bitch cancer is.
4.30.2008
4 minutes too many
i need some direction.
i haven't written anything in a while.
i think i forgot how to.
in fact, right now, i'm even kind of writing this like a Sametime (instant message, for those who are cool enough not to know)
i think i take on too much sometimes. in real terms, yes, but exacerbated by my stupid head.
for instance, extrapolate this situation: i am in the middle of printing out a baker's dozen worth of recipes. "Quick and Easy Summer Recipes!", Start to Finish: 20 minutes (right, IF i had Emeril-like resources with his little glass measuring bowls that have conveniently been filled pre-show with spices and chopped onions and organic extra virgin olive oil, by some miserable bloke who probably recently got cut from Hell's Kitchen).
i may, realistically, end up using approximately one of the recipes ... on or around August 31st, out of guilt because of all the time i took to print them out and, come august 30th, none of them being made. they will have been sitting pretty in a binder in a cabinet next to the microwave. neatly tucked away.
i may even then make another one in September, realizing that the recipes aren't half bad, and again regretting not making more. that's one of my fortes -- doing/wearing things out of season. the closet is the worst. the whole winter, i will lament every morning about how i have nothing, oh absolutely NOthing to wear. the first time i hear a bird chirp, i will look into my closet and lament over ALL the clothes i never got to wear when it was cold. idiot.
in any case, yeah, extrapolate that situation. i guilt myself into everything and stress about it in the meantime. it's not something to psycho-analyze in a blog, but it's pretty ridiculous.
the only solution i can come up with is to quit my job and become a bum. katie and claire have already agreed to join me once i can figure out a way to not have to sleep outside.
i promised mary alice i would not write about work, because it would probably get me fired. just one off comment, though -- today, i almost quit before figuring out the sleep-outside quandary when, in the breakroom, this woman kept squealing, in front of the microwave, "8 mEEnuts?! 8 mEEnuts?!! ah can't believe ah have to mahhcrowave thees lean kahzeen fahr 8 MEENUTS!"
i just decided to eat my leftover pizza cold.
and to be fair, it was more like, "uh-ate", not "eight".
"...fitty pahcent power?!"
i haven't written anything in a while.
i think i forgot how to.
in fact, right now, i'm even kind of writing this like a Sametime (instant message, for those who are cool enough not to know)
i think i take on too much sometimes. in real terms, yes, but exacerbated by my stupid head.
for instance, extrapolate this situation: i am in the middle of printing out a baker's dozen worth of recipes. "Quick and Easy Summer Recipes!", Start to Finish: 20 minutes (right, IF i had Emeril-like resources with his little glass measuring bowls that have conveniently been filled pre-show with spices and chopped onions and organic extra virgin olive oil, by some miserable bloke who probably recently got cut from Hell's Kitchen).
i may, realistically, end up using approximately one of the recipes ... on or around August 31st, out of guilt because of all the time i took to print them out and, come august 30th, none of them being made. they will have been sitting pretty in a binder in a cabinet next to the microwave. neatly tucked away.
i may even then make another one in September, realizing that the recipes aren't half bad, and again regretting not making more. that's one of my fortes -- doing/wearing things out of season. the closet is the worst. the whole winter, i will lament every morning about how i have nothing, oh absolutely NOthing to wear. the first time i hear a bird chirp, i will look into my closet and lament over ALL the clothes i never got to wear when it was cold. idiot.
in any case, yeah, extrapolate that situation. i guilt myself into everything and stress about it in the meantime. it's not something to psycho-analyze in a blog, but it's pretty ridiculous.
the only solution i can come up with is to quit my job and become a bum. katie and claire have already agreed to join me once i can figure out a way to not have to sleep outside.
i promised mary alice i would not write about work, because it would probably get me fired. just one off comment, though -- today, i almost quit before figuring out the sleep-outside quandary when, in the breakroom, this woman kept squealing, in front of the microwave, "8 mEEnuts?! 8 mEEnuts?!! ah can't believe ah have to mahhcrowave thees lean kahzeen fahr 8 MEENUTS!"
i just decided to eat my leftover pizza cold.
and to be fair, it was more like, "uh-ate", not "eight".
"...fitty pahcent power?!"
3.27.2008
final easter notes
... you know, for those who may just be getting back to school from easter vacay...
I was telling my mom the other day how i was eating too much candy and will probably have a shite-ton of cavities by the time busy season is over. She responded by saying that I should be thankful for my beautiful teeth… thankful to my parents for dishing out the cash to get good dental care (which I am), and thankful to the government. For putting fluoride in the water.
which i am… so, here is my token of gratitude to the government, for giving me good teeth, even during Easter -- a pictorial homage.
Fitting, no? Mary Alice and I decided more people should be aware of this picture. I agreed. So, here I am, spreading awareness and showing my gratefulness at the same time. Call me The Great Multi-tasker. For instance, right now I am listening to an altogether pointless TFS (Tax Filing Standard…) call and writing a blog at the same time. TGMT.
t minus 4 1/2 hours till madness in char-town..
3.24.2008
why american kids suck at academics
Straight from charlotte.com.. find the one that doesn't belong.
Easter Monday | What's open, closed?
Here's how the following institutions will observe the 2008 Easter holiday today:
• Mecklenburg ABC stores: Regular hours.
• S.C. package stores: Regular hours.
• Banks: Regular hours.
• CPCC: Regular schedule.
• Charlotte buses: Regular schedule.
• Charlotte city offices: Regular hours.
• Mecklenburg County offices: Regular hours.
• FedEx: Regular hours.
• Federal offices: Regular hours.
• Charlotte garbage: Regular schedule.
• Post offices: Regular hours.
• Charlotte schools: Closed Monday-Tuesday.
• N.C. state offices: Regular hours.
• S.C. state offices: Regular hours.
• Stock market: Regular hours.
• UNCC: Regular schedule.
• United Parcel Service: Regular hours.
-- COMPILED BY GERRY HOSTETLER
3.23.2008
a few Easter church notes
i learned that i have no obligation to believe in god unless i have:
1) physically put my arm through jesus's post-resurrected side, or
2) seen an abnormal amount of lightning bugs in my backyard (preferably after struggling with faith and doubt).
we got there late and had to sit in the very back, but it was a queen's seat, really, because i had a sniper's view of the sign language lady, who keeps me slightly entertained and in awe of how she can sign and listen, sign and listen, sign and listen in this continuous loop so that she is always doing both at the same time. ASL superpowers, must be.
anyway, when we got to the closing, even-if-what-i-said-didn't-mean-anything-to-you-maybe-listening-to-this-pretty-choir-led-music-will-help song, she was still signing to her viewer, in time with the music. and i thought, that's kind of strange.. the words are right up there.. he can read them if he wants to.. (quick mental check of reasoning - yes, deaf.. not blind.. ok). and then i saw him kind of signing along with it too, and she was still guiding him along, and it clicked (finally) that, of course he can read it, but he has no idea at what tempo. and then i went through this quick sad/happy emotion, thinking about how much it would suck to never hear music, how unfair that was to him, how much i have taken and mostly always will take that privilege for granted. then, how cool it was that he could have this, that he could at least kind of hear the song through this nice lady at church, that he could come here every week and be provided these ears to a side of the world to which this god he believes in decided he was not privy.
i'm still not sure what i feel about churches as institutions, but at least there's that.. in the meantime, while i make up my mind.
also, my sister got me a stuffed animal duck that has a towel wrapped around its neck. one side says "SPLISH" and the other side says "SPLASH". and when you press its hand (er.. wing?), it butt-dances across the table/floor, and its cheeks light up all while singing the song. we made it fall off the stairs and laughed hysterically an embarrassing number of times.
also, I AM LOOKING FOR TICKETS TO THE SWEET 16 GAME THIS THURSDAY. TICKETS!! LOOKING! CHARLOTTE! EAST REGION! Thursday! Please!
1) physically put my arm through jesus's post-resurrected side, or
2) seen an abnormal amount of lightning bugs in my backyard (preferably after struggling with faith and doubt).
we got there late and had to sit in the very back, but it was a queen's seat, really, because i had a sniper's view of the sign language lady, who keeps me slightly entertained and in awe of how she can sign and listen, sign and listen, sign and listen in this continuous loop so that she is always doing both at the same time. ASL superpowers, must be.
anyway, when we got to the closing, even-if-what-i-said-didn't
i'm still not sure what i feel about churches as institutions, but at least there's that.. in the meantime, while i make up my mind.
also, my sister got me a stuffed animal duck that has a towel wrapped around its neck. one side says "SPLISH" and the other side says "SPLASH". and when you press its hand (er.. wing?), it butt-dances across the table/floor, and its cheeks light up all while singing the song. we made it fall off the stairs and laughed hysterically an embarrassing number of times.
also, I AM LOOKING FOR TICKETS TO THE SWEET 16 GAME THIS THURSDAY. TICKETS!! LOOKING! CHARLOTTE! EAST REGION! Thursday! Please!
3.20.2008
a few busy season comments..
- tonight I ate a whole pineapple chicken fried rice from
- so, you remember that show, fraggle rock? well, our building is set up like a lot of other tall buildings, with elevator banks split up by several consecutive floors. Our bank goes from floor 26 to 37. pwc is on floors 35-37. floors 26-34 are owned by the Hearst Corporation (yes, the Hearst that publishes e.g., "CosmoGIRL!" and that owns 20% of ESPN). So... long story short.. don't let Hearst's repertoire of fashion magazines dupe you -- sometimes i feel like i live above my own little 9-story fraggle rock... where hairy, disfigured creatures roam about and snarf on showmars below..
eh, that's bad, but i can't help it.. i saw a parallel.
also, in the time between when i started to write this and now, i also ate a whole bag of skittles. i am afraid i'm slowly fraggle-izing.
also, happy birthday to the coolest person ever born on this day, corny stuff, etc.
3.19.2008
jump into the CESSPOOL
This is your official invite to the Cesspool bracket.. I tried inviting everyone the official way, but apparently it's not working.. and then I tried sending out mass messages, but that was way too time-consuming. Join through the CBS tournament link. Then click on Groups and join mine. Brackets need to be in by 11am tomorrow.
gah, look what living in North Carolina has done to me.. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now, but I don't think it's: writing a blog inviting everyone to a facebook tournament pool.
rightio, then.
gah, look what living in North Carolina has done to me.. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now, but I don't think it's: writing a blog inviting everyone to a facebook tournament pool.
rightio, then.
3.10.2008
U Rock!
i don't have much time to write blogs these days (during THE season, as ashley so aptly referred to it), but an advert for this book was in my inbox from amazon.com:
note that the subtitle is: How Smart People Brand Themselves for Business Success
wow, seriously?
and yes, it is in hardcover.
note that the subtitle is: How Smart People Brand Themselves for Business Successwow, seriously?
and yes, it is in hardcover.
3.01.2008
the 'artist' column of my 'going out' playlist
all these people are in town this weekend for the ciaa tournament:
fabolous
fat joe
gucci mane
jermaine dupri
bow wow (my class may remember him as lil bow wow)
omarion
keith sweat (oh, so twisted!)
r kelly
doug e fresh
yung joc
lil kim
biz markie
i mean, that is just kind of crazy to me.. i don't know what else to say about it. except that when the acc tournament comes, we'll probably be lucky to attract ashley judd. for the ncaa east, perhaps peyton??!!! oh my god, i'm just realizing i would KILL for some TN tickets..
fabolous
fat joe
gucci mane
jermaine dupri
bow wow (my class may remember him as lil bow wow)
omarion
keith sweat (oh, so twisted!)
r kelly
doug e fresh
yung joc
lil kim
biz markie
i mean, that is just kind of crazy to me.. i don't know what else to say about it. except that when the acc tournament comes, we'll probably be lucky to attract ashley judd. for the ncaa east, perhaps peyton??!!! oh my god, i'm just realizing i would KILL for some TN tickets..
2.29.2008
i don't know?
wrote this about a year ago, 3/6/07.. found it scribbled in a notepad. i haven't progressed much since. unabridged version:
why do we give apples to teachers? why are there 4 seasons, not 5 or 7? why do decisions always seem important to have but undesirable to make? why is a question mark shaped so? who discovered ink?
why do things fall apart? do the people who built them know? why did the beatles cross abbey road? and why does it matter? if you erase something, did it ever really exist?
how far have we come? why is it easier for men to come? why are we so selfish? why do we invent so many jobs and governments and religions and relationships to persuade ourselves that we are not?
why did we run up the middle on 3rd and long? why would I stay up to write this nonsense? why do we do what we do? what were anna nicole smith’s intentions? jesus’s? muhammad’s? saddam’s? britney’s? congress’s? what is style? beauty?
when flowers die, do they go to heaven? if they don’t, but we tell our kids otherwise to make them feel better, is that ok? if so, what % of the lies that have been told throughout the existence of mankind has been ok?
who framed roger rabbit? why, at 23, did in initially misspell rabbit just then? what do people really think of you? what do people really think about? why must embarrassment exist as an emotion?
do things come full circle? is there fate? does adding ‘such a thing as’ to that question add any value to it? if there is no fate, does belief in it rebound it into existence?
how much is too much? how much should you really tip the pizza boy? why is pizza so good – cold, hot, morning, night? night, yes, these – all good questions – that aren’t worth answering.
night.
2.27.2008
you're really annoying
from an article entitled "Get Rid of Bad Work Habits" by Anthony Balderrama, this is the penultimate (a fated place for me) habit:
Bad Habit: Always being the funny one.
What you think: “People love me.”
What it really says: You’re really annoying.
What to do: There’s nothing wrong with being funny – most people do like a good sense of humor. Just remember that not everybody wants to hear your sarcastic quips and “Godfather” impersonations every five minutes.
copyright 2008 CareerBuilder.com
couldn't've said it better mahself.
Bad Habit: Always being the funny one.
What you think: “People love me.”
What it really says: You’re really annoying.
What to do: There’s nothing wrong with being funny – most people do like a good sense of humor. Just remember that not everybody wants to hear your sarcastic quips and “Godfather” impersonations every five minutes.
copyright 2008 CareerBuilder.com
couldn't've said it better mahself.
ok, and yes, i do realize that we lost last night. just as well as i realize that we beat memphis on saturday night. and we're still awesome, and i still love b.pearl, and the vols will still be #1 in mah heart. :)
2.19.2008
crazy silly beautiful cover girl
a v.silly things humans say:
deb: working out is just so hard!
trudy: i know, right?! but i mean, the hardest part of going to the gym is getting there. once i'm there, it's so easy!
hmm.. so you're saying.. so you're telling me that it's hard to get up from your down-filled, seude-covered couch, off your ass, in the middle of a particularly amusing rerun of 'friends' to go exert lots of physical energy? that with your left hand preoccupied with a beer and your right with a pizza, you have no leverage to push up?! that's the hardest part?
but that once you're in the middle of a public sweat fest, surrounded by treadmills and devil-red-LED-number-display scales and many attractive members of the opposite sex and, the worst one, mirrors, that it's easy? it's easy once you're there?
That's just crazy talk.
of course, i have said/agreed to this silly declaration numerous times previous. all americans have. i'm just making sure you again, this fine mid-february day, realize its silliness (wow, that's a weird-looking word. a v. silly-looking word).
deb: working out is just so hard!
trudy: i know, right?! but i mean, the hardest part of going to the gym is getting there. once i'm there, it's so easy!
hmm.. so you're saying.. so you're telling me that it's hard to get up from your down-filled, seude-covered couch, off your ass, in the middle of a particularly amusing rerun of 'friends' to go exert lots of physical energy? that with your left hand preoccupied with a beer and your right with a pizza, you have no leverage to push up?! that's the hardest part?
but that once you're in the middle of a public sweat fest, surrounded by treadmills and devil-red-LED-number-display scales and many attractive members of the opposite sex and, the worst one, mirrors, that it's easy? it's easy once you're there?
That's just crazy talk.
of course, i have said/agreed to this silly declaration numerous times previous. all americans have. i'm just making sure you again, this fine mid-february day, realize its silliness (wow, that's a weird-looking word. a v. silly-looking word).
2.13.2008
caveat emptor
i found this e-mail train to be slightly amusing....
sent on 2/7/08, 8:40 AM:
Dear sir or madam:
Please see attached pdf file. As the 2 receipts show, I ordered shoes on 1/8/08 but had them exchanged for the rain boots, which were invoiced on 1/29/08. As the first receipt shows, I used $30 of Banana rewards certificates (received through use of my Banana Visa card), which were redeemed at the time. When my order was exchanged, however, the total charges of $64.35 were only credited by the net $23.58 (my credit card was charged for $40.77), instead of $53.58, which would have included credit for my initial rewards certificates. In effect, I lost the benefit of my rewards certificates in the exchange. Can you please remedy this?
Hopefully the attachment has all of the customer information that you need, but if not, please feel free to contact me.
Thank you,
----------------------
sent on 2/7/08, 12:47 PM:
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your e-mail. Unfortunately, we are unable to open attachments that we receive, for security purposes. However, we were able to locate the orders in question using your name. Our records indicate that order #129QTX1 was placed on January 8, 2008. We see that $30.00 in rewards were redeemed on this order.
On January 29, 2008, we received the order for exchange. Your new order #12VR1PN was then fulfilled. Please note, if you use a promotion code to make your purchase, we'll gladly exchange your shoes for the same style in a different size or color. If you'd like to exchange your shoes for something else, we'll apply your credit towards the new shoes at their current price. A previously used promotion code cannot be applied to the sale of a different shoe, as stated on our web site. We apologize for any disappointment this may cause.
Unfortunately, we cannot allow an exception to this policy. To remain fair and consistent in all transactions, we cannot allow an exception to one customer that we do not allow to all customers.
Additional questions? Contact us at customercare@piperlime.com or 1-877-PIPERLIME (1-877-747-3754). We are happy to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Have a great day,
Glen
Customer Loyalty Representative
------------------
sent on 2/7/08, 1:17 PM:
Wow, that blows.
-----------------
sent on 2/7/08, 7:20 PM (after appropriate forwarding to the Customer Loyalty management and subsequent piecing together of various, tactful canned e-mails):
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your message to Piperlime regarding the exchange you made from order #129QTX1. We would like to apologize for the disappointment you have experienced with our exchange policy in regards to Rewards. Please know that our goal at Piperlime is to exceed our customer's expectations. We're sorry that, in this instance, we clearly did not meet yours.
We rely on customer feedback to monitor and improve our service. At this time, we have forwarded your remarks to the appropriate team for further consideration.
We hope that you will give us another opportunity in the future to dazzle you with our shoes and service.
Additional questions? Contact us at customercare@piperlime.com or 1-877-PIPERLIME (1-877-747-3754). We are happy to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Sincerely,
Katherine
Customer Loyalty Representative
--------------
Not sent:
Razzle dazzle? like in Chicago??! I can't wait. For the low lo price of ..?!
P.S. I sent the rain boots back.
2.05.2008
you don't need to know this.
Speaking of too much information, while i was driving to Tennessee last week for work (i know - bizarre; even more bizarre to be staying at a hotel in j-rock city (thanks claire); most bizarre to be staying in a nice hotel in j-rock city; would not have been bizarre if one of the receptionists had graduated high school with me), i was listening to NPR (i do sometimes try to interject my music listening (which, for me, consists of Jack White telling me that i can't be a pimp and a prostitute too and Alicia Keys singing a song in which 42.3% of the lyrics are "oh oh oh oh ohohoh") with phone calls and news).
(If you missed the point of all that because of my annoying overuse of paranthetical sidenotes, I really only said: I drove to TN and was listening to NPR.)
So, NPR informs me that, basically, we owe China $1.53 TRILLION. Yeah, not in Remnimbi or yuan or adopted kids or rice grains, but 1.5 trillion American, U.S. dollars. ($1 trillion, written out in what the ancients called "zeroes" is: $1,000,000,000,000. ) This trade deficit increases by $1 billion every day, apparently. That is $11,574 per second. The other details are relatively boring: U.S. Treasuries, their currency pegged to ours, etc., blah, blah. You can read about it (also see previous blog post).
So, whatever. That's fine, whatever. But then, NPR also tells me (in what could have been the same half hour) that China was having something akin to their version of Katrina because of the winter storms impeding the Chinese from traveling home to their families for the Chinese New Year (a MUST there - kind of interesting). NPR then says, "Important Chinese Guy made this important announcement today at one of the airports where families have been waiting:
'Chowda, chowda chowdaer! Yinga yanga banga!'"
in a voice that i can only describe as a cross between the teacher from Peanuts and Alvin the Chipmunk. NPR didn't bother to translate the chowda banga until the speech was over, leaving me for 20 full seconds laughing hysterically (in my car, by myself), thinking that NPR had temporarily been taken over by Seth MacFarlane.
In any case, it was at that moment, when i realized that it was not a joke, that i determined i am very concerned that we owe China $1.53 trillion.
Yeah, we're definitely in trouble.
and of course..
Go Giants! and VOLS!
NY doing well in football, TN doing well in basketball.. who knew?
(If you missed the point of all that because of my annoying overuse of paranthetical sidenotes, I really only said: I drove to TN and was listening to NPR.)
So, NPR informs me that, basically, we owe China $1.53 TRILLION. Yeah, not in Remnimbi or yuan or adopted kids or rice grains, but 1.5 trillion American, U.S. dollars. ($1 trillion, written out in what the ancients called "zeroes" is: $1,000,000,000,000. ) This trade deficit increases by $1 billion every day, apparently. That is $11,574 per second. The other details are relatively boring: U.S. Treasuries, their currency pegged to ours, etc., blah, blah. You can read about it (also see previous blog post).
So, whatever. That's fine, whatever. But then, NPR also tells me (in what could have been the same half hour) that China was having something akin to their version of Katrina because of the winter storms impeding the Chinese from traveling home to their families for the Chinese New Year (a MUST there - kind of interesting). NPR then says, "Important Chinese Guy made this important announcement today at one of the airports where families have been waiting:
'Chowda, chowda chowdaer! Yinga yanga banga!'"
in a voice that i can only describe as a cross between the teacher from Peanuts and Alvin the Chipmunk. NPR didn't bother to translate the chowda banga until the speech was over, leaving me for 20 full seconds laughing hysterically (in my car, by myself), thinking that NPR had temporarily been taken over by Seth MacFarlane.
In any case, it was at that moment, when i realized that it was not a joke, that i determined i am very concerned that we owe China $1.53 trillion.
Yeah, we're definitely in trouble.
and of course..Go Giants! and VOLS!
NY doing well in football, TN doing well in basketball.. who knew?
1.24.2008
you need to know this.
Speaking of newspapers, I am slowly realizing that I am invariably overwhelmed by something that I really shouldn’t be overwhelmed by – information. There’s just so much of it. There are too many different sections of the newspaper… one telling me the current events and why somebody thinks they are important for me to know, a second about business and how it will affect me, a third about every sport with a spectator somewhere, the athletes I should note, their stats, a fourth telling me where i should travel and why, another telling me what I should eat and why, articles upon articles about how I should exercise and when and where and in what outfit and on which mountaintop while reading this newspaper while drinking non-bottled water and listening to XY artist (the first album, not the second), and don’t forget the cool down, oh and the warm up, and make sure your heart rate is within this range, stretch after, not before, lift weights rapido!, run slooow, walk if you want to, jump rope 42 times, and afterwards eat salmon (no) (yes) (good for brain) (too much mercury) (swims too close to the surface) (is a good color if you have to eat fish) (don’t eat the eyes) (eat it raw!) (nix that, now cows are in the IN again).
And there are websites for everything you never needed to know. Exact times of nude scenes in movies. Articles about nothing. Articles about other articles. Paris Hilton’s exact whereabouts at this very second (I don’t know if that really exists). Shopping via auction. Shopping via click and mortar. Shopping via social networks (no shit). Social networks. Shopping. Sales you need to know about RIGHT NOW because they only last THREE days and you have to enter this EXACT code which is case sensitive, time sensitive! Google, Froogle, Heroiusdfmoogle. BLOGS that ramble. my lord, the inundation!
I realize that I should just ignore the information that I don’t need. I do realize this. But sometimes, trying to get to the information that I do (think I) need, I get attacked by all this other information, sometimes in the form of pop-up or roll-down or unfurling, marching, machine-gun wielding ads. And it annoys me, because somehow, somewhere along the lines, information stops being privileged and starts being overwhelmingly burdensome. We’ve always known we’ll never know everything. Now the Internet keeps punching us in the face with it.
So, I’m just sayin. I don’t like being punched in the face.
oh ... i think i started off talking about newspapers. too many words. right.
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